Monday Mumblings!

Greetings, fellow bloggers! I’ve gone a bit more than a week without posting, so I have some catching up to do. Here are a few of the topics that have kept me occupied in mind and body.

Shopping

I’m not notorious for loving to shop. In fact, I’ve been told that my shopping skills are similar to those of a man and a toddler. I tend to know what I want before I go, go directly to that item, and then buy it and leave. If I’m forced to shop beyond that point, that’s when the toddler behavior kicks in. I’ll complain about my legs hurting, that I’m hungry, thirsty, and that I need the potty. If that doesn’t work, I’ll cry and beg to be taken home. This behavior is especially disturbing to others when I’m shopping alone.

This past week I’ve shopped with my oldest daughter for her big move that’s occurring on Thursday of this week. She and I have similar shopping methods, so it wasn’t all that bad when we were shopping for things, like microwaves and coffee makers. It was the clothing shopping that felt like a one way ticket on the fast track to hell. She needed business professional and business casual clothing to begin school with. My jeans, t-shirt, and flip-flop girl did not enjoy shopping for these things, but luckily, thanks to the Prime Outlets in our area, she was able to find a basic wardrobe of appropriate attire without spending a huge fortune. (I didn’t mean for that to sound like an advertisement for Prime Outlets!) Shopping tip: Always keep a couple of waters and some Teddy Grahams in your purse for when the worm begins to turn.

Packing

I LOVE organizing things, so who better than good ol’ mom to help with my daughter’s packing. We’re saving money by not hiring movers or even renting a truck. I’ve created a very detailed plan for making this move work with our existing van (sans middle and back seats) and both of my daughters’ hatch-back Yari (the plural of Yaris, of course). Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you’re wasting time playing Tetris for several hours a day. It does come in handy when you need to maneuver an entire apartment’s worth of stuff in three vehicles!

True Blood

Now, that's just cute!

All of you out there who are Truebies know that HBO’s True Blood began its fourth season last night. This certainly kept my thoughts occupied as I counted down the days until I could gaze upon the sweet hot gorgeousness that is Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman. It was a celebration, complete with jalapeno and bacon pizza (my daughters’ favorite), strawberry soda, and blood-red velvet cupcakes. I realize that our late dinner would not be approved by the USDA’s dietary guidelines, but it was an evening worth breaking a few rules for!

 

Scrapbooking

My daughters and I have been scrapbooking like little maniacs in our free time. Both girls are chronicling our beach trip with their photos and writings. I’ve been working on a scrapbook that contains pictures of my mother and me and all of her handwritten and typewritten recipes. It also features recipes clipped from our local newspaper and from magazines of the 1960’s and 1970’s. I’ve titled it “From my Mother’s Kitchen; Recipes from Childhood.” I’m writing my memories associated with various recipes and photographs. (I’ve shed a few tears while doing this.) Some of my mother’s handwritten recipes are over 50 years old and are the only examples of her handwriting that I have. So far, I’m very proud of how things are turning out.

Blogging Honesty

 

 

 

 

Whew! Sorry, Tom! I’ve let you down with finishing my 31 Days of Blogging honesty! But, I am a girl who always keeps her promises, so here is Day 21!

Day # 21 Question: Someone, or something, I know I should have let go of a long time ago is…

Something that I should have let go of a long time ago is my belief that people will always do things to the same high standard that I’ve set for myself. I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist in everything I do and I sometimes find myself disappointed when others don’t do things in the same way that I would have. I’ve especially seen this in various work settings that I’ve been in throughout my lifetime. I’ve worked in restaurants, a state park, a women’s shelter, and in schools. No matter what the level of job, I always performed it to the very best of my abilities. If I’m cooking your burger, it’s going to be one of the best damn burgers you’ve ever had. If I’m scrubbing your toilet, it’ll be as clean as you would expect it to be in your own home. If I’m lifeguarding your child at a pool, filling out a Family Protection Act for you, or teaching your child how to read, you can be certain that you’re getting the best of me. BUT, that’s the kind of person that I was raised to be and I have to realize that not everyone has the same work ethic or standards. Please don’t think that my streak of perfectionism renders me a complaining bi-otch every time something isn’t done in the way that I deem proper, because I’m not. I choose my battles carefully and politely and usually only complain if something is a health hazard! I forgive easily and move on. Still, I’m, at times, inwardly nagged when things aren’t as nice as if I would have done them and that’s what I need to stop worrying about.

Hope everyone has a wonderful week!

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Day 18: 31 Days of Blogging Honesty

 

 

 

 

Day # 18 Question: The most outrageous thing I would do for a Klondike bar is…

I am extremely lactose intolerant, so my obvious answer would be that I would have loads of diarrhea for a Klondike bar. BUT, that answer doesn’t sound very nice, so let’s play pretend and imagine that I could enjoy the crunchy, chocolate shell and the cold, creamy, dreamy, center of a Klondike. Would an ice cream treat actually be something that I would engage in an outrageous activity in order to eat? I tend to think that it wouldn’t. Perhaps this is because my lifetime of explosive experiences with ice cream has formed a nearly Pavlovian response that forces me to avoid it at all costs, or perhaps it’s because my personal standards are so high that there are only a few things that I would do something outrageous for. Here are some of those things in no particular order of importance:

Things that I would do Outrageous Acts For:

1. Money: Long ago, before I had my student loans paid off, I told my best friend Donna that I would be willing to spend an entire year naked if someone would pay them off for me. That someone never came along, but I would do similar outrageous things involving nudity for large, life-changing sums of money.

2. Meeting Hugh Jackman: More than anything on Earth, I am afraid of moray eels, but I would be willing to swim in a tank filled with 10 large moray eels in order to spend one day with Hugh. Eleven eels; the deal is off!

3. A larger house: My current house is adorable, and it’s certainly filled with love. The problem is that it’s only 1,100 square feet and it usually has anywhere from 4 to 6 adults and two fat cats in it at any given time. I like my space, so for the gigantic home of my dreams I would engage in sewer swimming. Yes, I’m aware that I’m showing no pride of self or sense of safety with this response, but I am a really great swimmer, and I would be willing to swim several miles worth of sewer, in a bikini, for a 5,000 square foot home and a few rounds of antibiotics.

4. To star as Eric Northman’s love interest in the next season of True Blood: Sookie, be damned! Eric should really be with me and the best way to insure that is if I promise to actually drink real, unscreened human blood. Don’t try to talk me out of it; this is a risk I’m willing to take!

5. The guaranteed health of my family: This is a super important one so I would be willing to go pretty far. For this I would pull out all the stops and volunteer to be Oprah’s personal bathroom assistant. This means being there for all of her ups and downs and all of her ones and twos. There to hand her magazines, tissue, and towels, all while averting my eyes per our special contract. Gross? Yes, but for the guaranteed health of YOUR family you might do the same!

Well, there you have it! If anyone in the blogosphere has 10 eels, a large sewer, a random pint of human blood, or knows Oprah, AND can guarantee me wealth, Jackman, a mansion, Northman, or perfect health for my family, call me. I’ll be perfectly willing to be totally outrageous!!

7 Reasons Why I Might Be an April Fool

Yesterday’s post didn’t shine the brightest light on my dear husband’s sense of humor, so in all fairness, it’s time for me to fess up about a few of my own quirks.

1.       I sometimes have a misguided notion about what the general population finds cool. Earlier this week my daughter and I went to hear the author Nancy Etcoff, author of Survival of the Prettiest: The Science of Beauty, speak about her research. I’d seen Ms. Etcoff on Oprah a year or so ago and immediately rushed out to buy her book, which I found extremely thought-provoking.  So, when I had the chance to hear her speak I was beside myself with excitement.  I rushed my daughter out the door an hour before we needed to leave because I was certain that the auditorium would be jammed to capacity, and that finding a seat would be difficult. I was stunned to find myself in a final audience of about 30 people, and most of them were students who were required to be there. I wanted to scream, “My God, people, it’s meet the author night!  Aren’t you excited?” Obviously not.  This leads me to my next imperfection…

2.       I talk WAY too much. Before “Meet the Author” started, we were all standing around in the lobby of the university arts center waiting for the custodian to unlock the auditorium doors when low and behold Nancy Etcoff entered the lobby through the side door where I was standing.  I didn’t recognize her at first because her hair was much longer than it was in her book cover photo.  After a few seconds, she extended her hand to me and introduced herself.  The conversation went something like this.

NE:  Hi, I’m Nancy Etcoff

ME: It’s great to meet you. I’m Sprinkles, I loved your book!

NE: Thank you. 

The conversation should have ended there, but NO, I’m unable to shut up.

ME: Did you have dinner in town?

NE:  Yes, at the Pink Sunset, it was really lovely.

ME: The food is great there. Isn’t this a cute town?  I love your boots!  Are they Manolo Blahnik’s?  You mentioned Hugh Jackman when you were on Oprah.  Have you met him?  What does Oprah smell like? Are you staying in the area tonight? (At this point, frightened that she’s met her first female stalker, she says a very politely, “Well, it was really nice to meet you,” and moves on.

3.      I have celebrity crushes.  While my husband is the true love of my life, I must pathetically admit that at nearly 47 years of age, I have a ginormous crush on both Hugh Jackman (mmm Wolverine!) and Alexander Skarsgard (Eric from HBO’s True Blood series).  My husband has told me that I have his full permission to have an extramarital affair with either, if I ever have the chance.  I’m a “have my cake and eat it too” kind of girl, so I’ve devised the perfect fantasy, Hugh, Alex and my husband will be “brother husbands.” (You know how that fanatical Mormon sect has their “sister wives?”  This is roughly the same concept.)  We’ll all live in a big house and I’ll take turns spending the night with each.  It could happen.  Now, it might take a disaster of apocalyptic magnitude to bring us all together (like I’m the only living female left on the planet), but it is within the vast realm of possibility.

4.       I dance in my car.  Not only do I dance while I’m driving, my daughters and I have specific routines that we have perfected while on various long road trips.  So if you see

3 women in a red Yaris doing the upper body version of Lady Ga Ga’s, Telephone, you can be pretty certain that I’m the driver! 

5.      Speaking of “Sister Wives,” I love trash TV.  I have seen every episode of MTV’s 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom and I’m not even remotely ashamed of this.  Maury, The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and many, many shows that require a lowered intelligence quotient and a penchant for low class drama are on my viewing list.  I do, however, draw the line with watching Keeping up with the Kardashians and The Girls Next Door.  A girl’s gotta have some standards!  

6.      I’ve been known to write fan fiction.  Oh, my God, it looks so nerdy to see that in print, but last year, after finishing Charlaine Harris’s Dead in the Family, I knew I couldn’t wait for the next book in her Sookie Stackhouse series to come out.  So, for my own entertainment, I wrote an entire 230 page, sixteen chapter sequel to it.  My oldest daughter and her best friend, the only people in the world who have read it, deemed it as delectable as if Harris had written it herself.  (Note to Charlaine Harris who, according to her website, does not want people writing Sookie Stackhouse fan fiction:  This book is tucked away safely on the internal hard drive of my now very, virus-infested, dead laptop. If I were ever able to access it, I would never ever think of trying to publish it in any way shape or form, so please don’t bring legal action against me for indulging in my own personal guilty pleasure!)

7.       I laugh at bathroom humor. Yes, it’s the lowest form of funny, but I defy you to keep a straight face whilst I spin my personal yarn of being trapped in a filthy gas station bathroom with explosive diarrhea, no toilet paper, and no tissues in my purse.  The three checks and the few deposit slips that were in my wallet were the only viable wiping materials I possessed.  They seemed to do the trick, but when I flushed, the toilet clogged and flooded the entire bathroom. This would be the part of the story where most sane individuals would flee to the safety of their car and drive off,  But, as I was about to abscond I realized that my name, address and phone number was neatly printed in the left hand corner of each page of my makeshift toilet tissue.  I won’t bore you with the gory details of the rest of that story, but it does involve two pens being used as chop sticks.

So there you have it. My flaws are out in the open.  I’m sure there are quite a few more, but for the sake of length, I’ll stop here!  I hope all of my readers have a fabulous first day of April!