Day 10: 31 Days of Blogging Honesty

 Day # 10 question: What I dislike envy most about the opposite sex is…

You weren't there when I needed you!!

Honestly, I don’t dislike much about the opposite sex, but there is something that men can do that I’m highly envious of. I could bitch about the fact that in the corporate world the majority of men are not confined by a glass ceiling, or I could bemoan the issue that they don’t have to endure a monthly period, but I’m not going to. The thing that I envy the most about the opposite sex is that they have a penis. Now please, please, please don’t think that this means that I’ve confirmed Freud’s theories and I’m a card carrying member of the penis envy club, because I’m truly not. I tend to not be a big fan of unpredictability, and the penis seems to be one impulsive little critter. I have no desire to go through my day with something that has the possibility of taking on a life of its own hanging around in my underwear. However, there are those occasions that I would like to be the proud owner of a male unit and those occasions always involve a long stretch of road without a rest area in sight.

With a penis, the world is your toilet. There would be no more limiting my fluids on a road trip. No longer would I deny myself a beer near the end of a concert because of long bathroom lines, nor would I leave an amusement park thirsty due to an impending parking lot back up. There would always be a bottle, cup, or discreet wooded area on my horizon. Dudes, I don’t dislike you for your ability to make wee against your front tire on a dark roadside when the next rest stop is 64 miles away. I’m envious, because I know that when I try the same maneuver in a squatting position, that nine times out of ten I’m getting back in the car with a wet spot on the back of my pants!

Not true!

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11 thoughts on “Day 10: 31 Days of Blogging Honesty

  1. You make a good point there, Sprinkles! Because even learning how to do your business standing up isn’t enough (travel in Turkey…you’ll learn this skill quickly). You’d still need to learn the level of control that allows you to direct the, uh, stream away from your clothing 🙂

    Otherwise, in the famous words of Elaine Benis, “I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.”

    • I guess we have it pretty easy here in the US when it comes to toilet usage. My husband has told me restroom horror stories from his years of living in Japan. I need to improve my squat and stream control before I do any overseas travel! 🙂

  2. “There would always be a bottle, [or a] cup…”

    Yes, but try using one of those driving down the road in a small sedan. That’s what truckers do right? We’ve all tried it. It doesn’t end well.

  3. Why aren’t my answers ever as cool and creative as everyone else? Peeing while driving is something that I have successfully mastered. You just need to cut the top off of a 2 liter soda bottle. No matter how full my bladder there is always plenty of room left so nothing gets spilled. Very slow or very fast traffic helps!

    You females have a lot to contend with physically! Stay dry!

    • See, now you’re just adding insult to injury by bragging about your peeing expertise! I think your answers are great! I haven’t even had a chance to write something today. This is the first I’ve sat down all day! 🙂

      • You are only an expert if you remember to tape the bottle where you scissored off the top. That is not a part of your body you want to get a cut on.

  4. there are those occasions that I would like to be the proud owner of a male unit and those occasions always involve a long stretch of road without a rest area in sight.
    Seconded! The same holds true for marathons. I’ve seen men and women pull to the side and find their sweet relief before plowing on, but . . . it takes a hell of a lot more balls (so to speak! ;)) to do it from a squat!

  5. After peeing in the bush for many years I have mastered standing up to go. Yes indeed. But I definitely have to wash my hands afterwards. My thing isn’t as big as his thing. This is my favourtie post of yours so far! (I should really read more than the 4 I’ve already read though.)

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